The Titz
 
TITZ INTERVIEW:
THE END OF ROCK
by raymond grant

The Titz putrify rock to it's purest form, swarming their audience and shackling them to a musical pillory. Raw, licentious sound eminates from their amplifiers bringing you back in time, before being politically correct was a fad. In fact, this interview was so racially slurred that we at Slug central had to channel all racial remarks into our smallest demographic, the Dominican people. Thay are great people, but they just happen to never pick up a copy of this magazine. I don't want to lionize this band too much, but in my opinion, they are the best band in Austin.

This interview took place at a certain bar that these guys frequent that will remain unnamed, due to threats on their life. Keep an eye out for them because they won't be around for long, as most great bands often meet an early demise. The following is the drunken rhetoric that occurred for your enjoyment...

SFS: Let's start with some predictions. How long will Titz last? Sean: End of August. We'll take Mike to New York and drop him off after this tour.
Mike: Till the day I quit you punk asses.
Davey: There's a girl with real saggy tits that's a cartoon in Penthouse, that old lady with tits that drag down to her ass.
Sean: In the Forum?
SFS: Saggy? That must be an old issue.
Mike: Yeah the old lady with saggy tits, until she says we must give it up.
Sean: Until Mike leaves, then we'll change the name but we'll keep playing without his ass.
Mike: I already have stretch marks.
Davey: We'll change the name to Dirty Davey and the Commando's.
Mike: I'm not quitting though without taking a bunch of people with me, so you better watch out......fucking Dominicans.
Titz
SFS: How did you get your first guitar?
Sean: Mike just pawned his, so ask him how he will get another guitar.
Sean 2: I'm the drummer and I know how I got mine. I was walking with Mike down in Copperspoke Texas where we used to live. We were skeezin' for girls and happened upon a pawnshop where Mike saw a $30 guitar with the Dukes of Hazzard decal on the pickguard. I ended up buying it that day, you drunk fucks don't even know how you got your first guitar and I'm the drummer.
Mike: Mom and Dad bought my brother a guitar for Christmas and he couldn't play because he was tone deaf. He was 18 and I was 8 and I figured out how to play it. My brother beat the shit out of me a couple of times because I could play better than him.
SFS: That's Rock and Roll.
Mike: I pissed on my brother though, I was a bedwetter, we had to share a bed.
SFS: Maybe that's why he socked you, he probably didn't care about the guitar.
Davey: I got my first real six string down at the five and dime.
Sean: That was a great question.
SFS: It sparked alot of childhood shit for you guys, that's what I'm going for. So, what is it that makes this town fun?
Mike: My rent is $130, uh, I don't have to work.
Sean: I'm already tired of it but in the beginning it was cool because nobody knew me.
Mike: Yeah, and everybody would fuck you but now they all know you.
Sean: That's it right there.
SFS: This is going to be printed you know.
Davey: Girls in this town give really good Hamas.
Sean 2: I like this town because of my girlfriend and fake tits.
Davey: They're like pineapples on a stick.
Sean 2: Also the easy availability of buying crack.
Mike: Yea, it's right next to the police station, but I never scored it myself.
SFS: Why does this town suck?
Sean 2: The easy availability of buying crack.
Mike: Nobody will hire me anymore.
Sean: Yea, the best guitar player in town can't get a job.
Mike: Exactly, I can't get hired doing anything.
Davey: This town sucks for many reasons.
Mike: Are you going to talk about the Dominicans?
Davey: Yea, the Dominicans, and all the people who think they're cool, like all those fucking Lou-Ann Barton-type people, people who are just like Osolo artists', who are some of those other douche bags that play around town? You know, all the people that play at the Continental Club and Antone's, all the old farts and blues people, they suck...
Mike: (repeatedly interrupting) Who's that guy from The Scabs, that guy Bob? That guy Bob?
Davey: ...and they make the town suck because we can't have a progressive music scene with all those fuckers controlling it.
Mike: (still repeating) Who's that guy Bob?
Davey: (to Mike) Are you talking about the guy from the Ugly Americans? Mike: Yea, that guy sucks man.
Davey: That guy has probably had more women toss his salad in town than anyone else.
Sean: He sells the most records of anyone at Waterloo Records
Mike: Here's a question for Bob Schneider, 'How many women have you had lick your asshole Bob Schneider?'
Sean2: This town really sucks because when I walk around town in my boots, skins and braces, no other Dominican motherfuckers will support me. I think all these Dominicans that come out to our shows and rock out because I'm supporting a true cause, the Dominican race, and all these faggots that pretend that they are doing something different whatever. Come to Titz shows, wear your braces and fight the fucking power. I'm supporting my race, the Dominican race.
SFS: Name an Austin band that was influential.
Sean 2: The Big Boys and The Dicks.
Mike: Pork, Crying Out Louds, Forkemos.
Sean: There are some modern bands that are good. No one has really had an influence on us. We were already influenced.
Mike: (still screaming) Scratch Acid, 13th Floor Elevators, and uh, Jimmy Buffet.
SFS: What is your drug of choice?
Sean 2: Stripper pussy.
Sean: That's not a drug.
SFS: That is a legitimate drug.
Davey: I was on Methadone for a while and these fuckers don't know what it's like to be sticking your finger up your ass because you can't shit. I was really bad off for a while, so I don't do any drugs, but I actually fuck now, so sex is mine.
SFS: The drug you forgot about.
Mike: I would have to say literature and uh, cocaine and also pills, narcotics, weed, and I'm also a renowned drinker.
Sean: Cheeseburgers
SFS: If you could go to a party at anyone's house, who would it be?
Mike: That guy from the Fuckemo's Russell.
Sean 2: It would have to be Greg Hedson. I'm sure since he's in Circle Jerks, he has a crazy mosh pad.
Davey: That guy that was in that movie with the nitrous oxide mask. The guy in Blue Velvet, what's his name?
Mike: Kurt Russell.
SFS: Dennis Hopper.
Davey: Yea, Dennis Hopper.
Sean: My house to smoke crack.
SFS: What is the meaning of selling out?
Mike: I would say selling out is like being Secretary of the Navy, somebody appoints you that and you say, 'No, I'm too good for that.' I'll take whatever anyone gives me, they can kiss my jagged ass becuase it's a jagged little pill. It's like someone blasting Allanis Morrisette in thier office while they say I'm selling out. I'll listen to Sixteen Deluxe. Wait no...
SFS: Hey, your tennis shoe is in your mouth.
Mike: ...and then I'm going to buy everyone I know drinks, and then I'll sell out. I'll sell out once I'm fucking good and ready you fucking pricks. I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes. That's what Malcolm X said... Dominican.
Sean 2: I don't believe in sellingout as far as if you're playing rock and roll music instead of putting milk on the shelf for a living. As long as you're playing drums for a band then there's no one that can tell you what to do. Fuck everyone that says you can't be what you want to be. Play rock and roll and don't listen to your boss.
Mike: If anyone asks to play rock and roll with you, fucking play it. Who cares? Play with whoever. All these little punk rock assholes say, 'Oh, you're selling out' I mean come on, they suck. They can't play. They can't carry a tune. They can't drive the shit down home to your balls and make you want to do this shit. They're suburban idiots that have enough money to live off of, so they don't fucking care.
Sean: I wouldn't play a gay riff if I didn't like it.
Davey: I love gay riffs you gay mother fucker.
Mike: I wouldn't play a gay riff either.
Sean 2: I would do anything it takes to play music and not work a steady job.
Davey: Selling out is having a girlfriend and her not letting you chili dog her.
SFS: What is rock and roll?
Sean 2: Rock and roll is not having to worry about where you're next lay is going to be.
Davey: Let me tell you man, punk rock was a fucking speed bump in the road of rock and roll and everyone needs to get back to what rock is all about, rock is about Chuck Berry and pissing on a white girl in the bathtub.
Mike: It's about not worrying about the consequences. It's worrying about what you're doing and if it makes you feel good.
Sean: I stopped liking indie pop and indie rock fag shit becuase it didn't make me move. I liked Polvo. I liked The Grifters, but it never made me move like when I played Let It Bleed in my headphones. That made my ass shake til no tomorrow.









SFS: (to Sean) Some peole are calling you the Keith Richards of Texas, how do you feel about that?
Sean: I'm half Dominican, so the band calls me Spic Jagger.
SFS: When can we expect some recorded music on the shelves?
Sean: We are recording at the end of May. We're putting out a single on a label. We haven't decided which one. We're shopping it around.
Mike: I'll say in three months.
Davey: I've got some recorded music right now on my shelves. I've got Janis Joplin, Turbo Negro...
Sean 2: We're recording at The Bubble Studio and it will come out on Blak Lung Records at the end of August.
Sean: Since fucking Cory from Nashville Pussy, hopefully we'll have a tour when the record comes out.
Sean 2: Fuck that nasty bitch, she's nasty.
Sean: She asks you where you want to come, and I said, 'Where do you want me to come, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, (simulating sound effects of intercourse) Then she screams, 'On my new fake tits baby!' (loud animalistic howls and hoots from entire drunken band.)
Mike: Wait, wait, next question...